How would other countries manage Haj/Mecca (Satire)


This is a different kind of post, that I usually don’t write. It’s kind of satire, I wrote just for fun. What will happen when government of other countries were given task to manage ‘Hajj’ (Islamic annual pilgrimage) or ‘Mecca’ (city of Saudi Arabia, where Hajj is performed).

Masjid Al Haram Panorama UAE:

  • Being poor compared to Saudi, they’d tax directly or indirectly virtually every cost of ‘hajj – pilgrimage’, including roads, ‘zamzam’, ‘kaaba’ building, parking, human resource, prayers, etc.
  • Would outsource almost everything to multinational firms,
  • Invite foreign tourists during off-peak time,
  • Executive helicopter ‘tawaf’,
  • Racing track around ‘mecca’, on Ferrari,
  • Making ‘hajj’ a full blown festival, with pre-season activities – discounts on ‘zamzam’ water, camel rides, food share and post season events
  • Hajj costs 2-3 million per person.

Pakistan:

Govt:
  • Seek aid from all muslim countries for ‘hajj’ operations, misappropriation in billions of dollars,
  • All aspects of ‘hajj’ business run by relatives and industrialists, taking turn to own it, c
  • Cut-throat wrangling every 5 years for that position,
  • Sacrificial animal import and ‘khaal’ (hides) export to relatives in Pakistan,
  • Hajj costs 3-4million due to mismanagement,
  • Water, electricity, gas, roads, hospital, complete infrastructure in decay,
  • 500,000 people (God forbid) perish in mild rain storm and dust-storm, due to 45 degree temp and water shortage, eating donkey nihari, etc.
Army:
  • The complete supply chain of hajj operations run by military inc.,
  • Almost all of that in loss, still audit exemption due to religious/national matter, thus requiring funding from country and abroad to sustain.
  • Massive military deployed across ‘mecca’, one Ranger personnel at every furlong,
  • Helicopter surveillance of ‘kaaba’ 24/7, with ready F-16s and missiles, against possible Indian threat, which makes defence 70% of the hajj budget/cost,
  • Sky-rocketing land cost, making hotels out of reach of Muslims, except for elites and ex-armymen,
  • Bomb blast by enemy/victim survivors 200-300k (God forbid) perish every 5-10 years, requiring reinforcement of military,
  • Hajj cost 2-3 million rupees.

Malaysia/Turkey:

  • State of the art facilities (even better than now), underground subway, overhead mono-rail,
  • Cable car between ‘safa’ and ‘marwa’,
  • Underground aquarium for ‘zamzam’ plant,
  • Alcohol only allowed after 10pm,
  • ‘Hijaab’ only required for ‘haji’ (one performing hajj)
  • Hajj cost 1-2 million per person

Feel free to add about other countries 🙂

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But Why Do Punjabi Women Fall For The “Karachiite-type” Men?


🙂

chaaidaani

The idea of Urdu-speaking larkaas falling for Punjabi mutyaars caught on like fire! We all saw much of ourselves in that earlier blog. So many of us related to it. As did I, because of my half-Punjabi streak (the other half is Sindhi, but that part will need another blog;)).

What makes perfect sense is that if in the 6th most populous nation in the world, Pakistan that is, a HUGE number of Karachiite-type men are falling for and are with Punjabi women, a complimenting number of Punjabi women have also statistically fallen for, and agreed to be with, and “LIKE” (more than in the FB “like” kind of liking) the Urdu-speaking variety of guys.

So what’s so special about the Karachiite-type dudes? Why do many Punjabi girls choose them over the bhangra-ofying, equally colourful, jazbaati, food-loving, mostly good looking, from the same gene pool, khulla dulla Punjoo guys?

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