How would other countries manage Haj/Mecca (Satire)


This is a different kind of post, that I usually don’t write. It’s kind of satire, I wrote for a change. What will happen when government of other countries were given the task to manage ‘Hajj’ (Islamic annual pilgrimage) or ‘Mecca’ (city of Saudi Arabia, where Hajj is performed).

Masjid Al Haram Panorama UAE:

  • Being poor compared to Saudi, they’d tax directly and indirectly virtually every cost of ‘hajj – pilgrimage’, including roads, ‘zamzam’, ‘kaaba’ building, parking, human resource, prayers, etc.
  • Would outsource almost everything to multinational firms,
  • Invite foreign tourists during off-peak season,
  • Executive helicopter ‘tawaf’,
  • Racing track around ‘mecca’, in Ferrari,
  • Making ‘hajj’ a full blown festival, with pre-season and post-season activities – discounts on bulk ‘zamzam’ water, free camel rides, with purchase of full tour pass of kaba, 360o view from all minarets, food sharing festivals and post season events, like discount for visiting Dead Sea beach or free umrah passes.
  • Hajj costs 2-3 million per person.

Pakistan:

Govt:
  • Seek aid from all muslim countries for ‘hajj’ operations, misappropriation in millions,
  • All aspects of ‘hajj’ business run by relatives and industrialists, taking turn to own it,
  • Cut-throat wrangling every 5 years for these lucrative positions,
  • Sacrificial animal import and ‘khaal’ (hides) export to relatives in Pakistan,
  • Water, electricity, gas, roads, hospital, complete infrastructure dilapidated,
  • Thousands of people (God forbid) perish in mild rain storm and dust-storm, due to 45 degree temp and water shortage, eating donkey nihari (curry), etc.
  • Hajj costs 3-4million due to mismanagement
Army:
  • The complete supply chain of hajj operations run by military inc., but well organized and reliable,
  • But almost all of that in loss, still audit exemption due to national/defense matter, thus requiring increased funding from country and abroad to sustain without question.
  • Massive military deployed across ‘mecca’, one Ranger personnel at every furlong (not at the border, but in the city:),
  • Helicopter surveillance of ‘kaaba’ 24/7, with ready F-16s and anti-aircraft missiles, against a supposed Indian threat, which makes defence 70% of the hajj budget/cost,
  • Sky-rocketing land cost, making hotels out of reach of Muslims, except for elites and ex-armymen quota,
  • Bomb blast by enemy/victim survivors hundreds of thousands (God forbid) perish every 5-10 years, requiring reinforcement of military,
  • Hajj cost 2-3 million rupees.

Malaysia:

  • State of the art facilities (even better than now), underground subway, overhead mono-rail,
  • Cable car between ‘safa’ and ‘marwa’,
  • Underground aquarium for ‘zamzam’ plant,
  • Alcohol only allowed after 10pm,
  • ‘Hijaab’ only required for ‘haji’ (one performing hajj)
  • Hajj cost 1-2 million per person

Canada:

  • Well organized facilities, with tight public scrutiny,
  • Separate Toilets for every conceivable gender,
  • Open for Muslims and non Muslims and atheists or agnostic equally,
  • Signage in English, Arabic and French
  • Educational institutions and research on Arabic and religious literature
  • High tax for every infrastructure , healthcare and resulting high cost,
  • Hajj cost 2-3 millions per person

Feel free to add about other countries 🙂

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